I'm taking a poll.

Here's a picture of my latest painting. You can see more at www.bendystar.com

Been going to the gym everyday again- I took Miles for the first time today and was only gone about 40 minutes, when I came back the woman said Miles "went crazy" on a baby and pushed a little boy. They didn't call me out of the gym to get him though and he seemed really happy there and wants to go back. Not sure if it will work out.

My big question is, do I keep the membership if I can't take Miles? (I have 'til Friday to cancel with a full refund) My whole reason for switching is so I can take Miles. I'm not a huge fan of the yoga that they have at LA Fitness. Or should I go back to the Y? But I can't go to the Y yoga because I can't take Miles. There's a place downtown that's a donation based yoga studio and I could get my yoga fix there once a week...I just don't know what to do. Miles should grow out of this phase soon- I'm hoping by 3, so it seems worth keeping the membership even if I only take him in half hour spurts so I can get a quick elliptical and some stretching in. It feels really good to be back at a real gym and actually working out. What do you think?

Potty Learning

This is an email to a friend about how Miles is potty learning and how we are helping:

Miles basically did this on his own because I would have assumed he's too young.

He is naked most of the time at home and eventually he just learned not to go on the floor. We bought him a potty seat at 18 months which he used on and off. But he hates, HATES his cloth diapers and I think that's a big motivation for him. I don't want to buy disposable pull ups and I have a couple cloth pull ups, but I just moved him to big boy underwear- Hanes, and keep a change of clothes with me at all times. He will grab himself and say "pee pee!" and we are getting to know all the bathrooms in public. We also carry a potty seat in the trunk of our car for emergencies and parks.

So that's it! he wears a diaper at night still, but not at nap time. He is just a really strong willed kid who really knows what he wants. It's such a battle to put clothes on him and a nightmare getting a diaper on him. So we basically had no other choice but to potty learn. There you have it!

Busy with Life

We've been super busy lately. Our schedule was turned upside-down when we stopped going to the YMCA (after the hitting incident). So now we are back to our activity filled mornings. We have been doing a lot of zoo, trains, camping, library and generally hanging out with friends.

We just returned from camping the other day. We went to South Carlsbad State beach in North San Diego. It was a little colder than I would have hoped but we got in some ocean swimming and campfire s'mores so all is well.


Miles is still working on keeping his hands to himself. He strikes out especially when he's tired. I'm still hopeful he'll outgrow it and I have a no tolerance policy. So if he hits, we leave.

I'm exhausted, I think you can tell by my writing. I think I'll go lay down...

Weaning my Baby

5/31/09: I can’t believe it’s happening. Miles is weaning himself. His whole attitude about nursing has changed in the past few days. He used to say, “Num Nums please”, and crawl into my lap. Now he doesn’t, he kind of plays with the idea, but doesn’t ask, and I don’t offer. It’s like he doesn’t want to ask, like he’s being shy about it suddenly. I ask him if he wants snuggle time and he’ll crawl up in my lap and I rub his back and sing him a song. It’s actually a really loving and sweet time. I am hoping that we can transition to this loving “snuggle time” instead of nursing and he’ll still get all that he needs from me- just in a different way.

I’m really sad about it and I cry a little here and there. I just can’t believe my baby is growing up and making this decision all on his own. It’s such a big boy thing to do. I am also really happy about it. This is a huge milestone for him. And I'm proud of him.

He’s also potty training at the same time. Taking off his diaper to go on the toilet- even in public bathrooms. I feel like I just turned around and he was 2 and a half! I know I’m not unique. I’m sure all Moms feel this way to a certain degree. I just can’t get over it. Sigh I guess they all grow up, don’t they?

My new Etsy Shop!

I have finally started my etsy shop online where people can easily purchase my paintings. Visit www.bendystar.etsy.com to check it out. I am very excited by the possibilities at etsy. We'll see how it goes. Wish me luck!

I love you Mommy

4/26/09: Miles said, “I love you Mommy” today. Talk about making your heart sing! it just doesn't get any better.

Springtime Fava Bean Harvest

4/12/09: Sometimes when you are up against something so huge and immovable as a toddler with his mind set, it’s best to go with the flow. Miles has trouble adjusting every Monday. I’m not sure if he senses it’s back to the grind- since Dad goes to work, or what. But I have a bear of a time getting him dressed and out the door. Since I know it’ll be a zoo at the gym today and I anticipate him having trouble at the YMCA childwatch, I decided to let him have his way. He wanted to stay home and stay naked.

As soon as the thermometer hit 60 degrees we were outside in the yard. What better day to harvest some of those fava beans from our raised garden box? We got a basket, close at hand from Easter, and headed out there to find the biggest fava beans. Miles held the basket to his chest and I filled it up. We had a small first harvest, but a good one. Then we headed to the hammock swing to shuck the pods. I felt a little like Miles should be calling me “Meemaw” and I should be wearing an apron and drinking sweet tea while swatting at flies with a swatter. But instead, we listened to the fountain bubbling up, competing with the traffic noise from the overpass and quietly broke open each fat pod. Plump and furry, a little rough and about as long as my hand, the pods popped open and with a little squeeze, the beans sprung out. Miles really got into it. Furrowed brow, lips puckered out, little fingers prying and digging into the pods cushiony insides, searching for the hidden bean.

Once all the beans were out, we dumped the pods into the compost bin and headed into the kitchen to rinse and sort. Miles helped place the beans in a colander and ready them for boiling. Once the beans were boiling I wrestled a diaper and pjs onto Miles and nursed him down for a nap.

After the beans boiled for a half hour the waxy coating of the bean got loose and white. I plunged them into an icy water bath and quickly learned the best way to peal the covers off. I made a little hole on one end with a fingernail and squeezed. The beans slid out into the bowl. Then they were ready for eating or cooking.

I didn’t realize favas were so labor intensive when I bought them. Well, labor intensive to prepare to eat- super easy to grow. I bought the bean seeds for a winter crop. Since favas are so simple to grow, I figured they would have a chance in our garden. It was fun to watch the stalks grow, much taller than expected. I decided to let them grow in an organic way, instead of pinning them up, and they did fine. I could see doing these again next year and reading Miles the Jack and the Beanstalk story. I can’t wait for him to wake up so we can eat them! I was going to do a fancy bean puree, but since we only got a cup or so, I think I’ll sauté them with a little butter and salt. From our Earth to the table. Yum.

Easter Preparation!

Miles and I colored eggs yesterday, which was way more fun and less stress than I thought it would be. He did great and loved all the colors. The only thing I'll do differently next time is make more eggs.

I also finished Miles little bunny for his basket. It was supposed to be an Amigurumi Bunny Egg Cozy from Ravelry but I altered the pattern quite a bit, adding cheeks, eyes, and embroidered nose and mouth. I also made him about a size bigger, stuffed and closed him so he would be more like a ball/toy. I think Miles will like him. I was thinking about making another one and using a drawstring to close him so I can stuff him with candy for Easter. We'll see how ambitious I get in the next few days.

Yoga Mama

4/5/09: Miles has been amazing lately- a real language explosion has occurred. And he understands everything you say- I mean EVERYTHING- so watch what you say! It’s so fun to be with him because he can tell you exactly what he’s thinking. Or at least the general idea.

We still struggle with him getting up at 4:45am- but Keith and I rotate who gets up with him. He shows up by our bedside and I let him nurse for a while the one of us will get up and start our early day watching the sky grow light. (Keith goes to work) Then we clean up the house and do some chores and it’s off to the gym. He’s doing great at the YMCA child care center while I’m in yoga class. My yoga practice has really blossomed and I feel a little strange if I don’t do at least a little yoga everyday. I have some wonderful and diverse teachers that are opening up the world for me. I love it and it helps me stay centered throughout my day and week. I am better able to stay patient and kind to my growing little toddler.

The weather is slowly warming up and we are spending more and more of our time outside – we’ve already spent an afternoon at the beach- one of many to come. Miles runs up to and then away from the waves laughing the whole time. He didn’t like to be wet or dirty this last time, a huge switch from the months prior. But he still had a blast. He is the most affectionate and smiley kid. Everywhere we go people know him and talk to him. It’s so much fun. I'm posting some pictures from a trip last week to the Carlsbad Flower Fields. He's signing "monkey" in the one of him alone.

Email Venting

3/16/09: Email to Erica:

Hi,

We are having one of those really tough mornings, where everything is a fit, whining for this and then not wanting it, crying for that, wanting to watch movies, not wanting to change his diaper that he's been in for 12 hours and reeks of urine. (Worse in cloth diapers I think) Kicking me and screaming when he doesn't get his way. I'm walking on egg shells trying to walk the line between gaining cooperation and not giving him what he wants when he acts that way. After him screaming, thrashing and kicking me when I was trying to change his diaper, ( I could barely get the zipper down on his pjs) I got one leg and the opposite arm out of his pjs, enough to get the diaper off. Then I gave up trying to get the pjs off and put him in his bed and walked out of the room. I went to go breathe in the kitchen and get a cup of decaf, when he shows up naked and says and signs "done." I say, "good!" Then he wants a bath- so since I was just trying to leave early to get Target in before the gym, I figure I can do that tomorrow or even better, tonight, without him. He can get his bath, and hopefully I can still make my pilates class.

I hope your morning is going smoothly...

Diapering a Spirited Toddler

I am working feverishly on improving things with Miles. I am reading "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Kurcinka and although a lot of it is geared toward the 3 and up crowd I an gaining some insight and it feels good to know it's not my fault and I'm not alone. I'm thinking of trying to find a spirited toddler group online or something for extra support. According to the test it seems I'm a spirited adult too. Not too surprising.

So slowly and by trial and error and with a LOT of PATIENCE I am making small baby steps of progress. It seems every once and a while I feel like I need to do this mainstream tactic or do that to make sure he's going to be a well adjusted and normal adult. Like do time-outs or whatever. And it goes against my instincts. So I need to find a better way and not worry about power over him. It works much more smoothly when I throw convention out the window and realize that from day one I've had a very special little spirited boy and he needs a different and more creative approach than what is the norm.

For example today when I went to change his diaper he started to scream and flip out. So I held him tight and whispered in his ear why we need to change his stinky. Then he let me lay him down but after unzipping his pjs he starts to flip out again and I put my hands up in a surrender position and told him I was going to take his feet out of his pjs but that he could put them back on if he wanted when we were done. Then I asked him if he wanted to unsnap his diaper. He let me do it for him. He starts to freak. Again. So I put my hands up again. He relaxes and tries to get his diaper off so I help him. Then comes the wipes and he freaks again. And I put my hands up. then I hand him a wipe and tell him I'm going to wipe here, and point to his leg. He lets me. Then here. If I didn't tell him each area that I was going to wipe, he's freak and start kicking me. So, that's a simple diaper change right now in the house of Kwasny. Ha!

I used to try to hold him down and go as fast as I could when he would start to flip- but now I'm doing the opposite and it's working WAY better. He's a very complicated little boy. I'm trying to give him words for how he's feeling without putting feelings on him. He's pretty good at expressing himself through action. His language is still pretty slow although he does repeat after me a lot now.

Anyway, these are some tricks I am trying and so far it's better. Not 100%. but a little better.

He is the most loving boy though, I had a little spot on my face burned off at the doctor and he keeps pointing to it saying "Ow" and giving me kisses. I love him more and more everyday.

Happy Valentines Day!

2/14/09: It’s Valentine’s day! We woke up at the reasonable time of 6:20am and baked Keith a coffeecake (his fav). I wanted to use the heart shaped pan since it’s Valentines Day and all- But there was too much cake for my pan. Luckily I cooked the whole thing on the pizza stone, so the overflow was not on the oven floor. I kept an eye on it in the oven, since I knew it would likely overflow. I thought of funny analogies the entire baking time, “My love for you is overflowing. Sometimes Love is messy. The best things in life happen accidentally.” I could bore you with more but I wont. Anyway the cake was delicious after we cut off the crunchy parts (yummy!) And turned it upside-down, one would never know that it was somewhat of a disaster.

I wanted to document a few of the things Miles says/does all the time right now. Since he was an infant I decided to call nursing “num nums” so he wouldn’t refer to nursing as “boobs” or whatever. Well, he’s never called it num nums. He signs “milk please” but says “dice” which I believe stands for “the other side” because I always say, “Do you want the other side” so now when he’s finished on one side, he’ll point to the other and say “diiice?!”

The other thing he says is “DONE, DOWN” Which doesn’t mean what you think. He’ll come up to you if you aren’t doing what he wants you to (say–crocheting, eating, talking on the phone or otherwise not paying him any attention) and he’ll say “Done”, while signing “finished” and then say “Down” pointing down in front of him, which means, “Come with me and do what I’m doing now”. If you ignore him or ask him to wait he just gets more frantic repeating the same thing over and over again.

We’re still easing into the 2nd year- every single diaper change or clothing change is a huge challenge/wrestling/screaming match (him screaming, not me) Sometimes it can take 20 minutes or so just to change a diaper because of all the fighting. It’s a real pain. I’m hoping that part of this growth spurt will be short lived.

The Terrible Twos

So Miles is being challenging. It's like living with an insane person. I swear the day he turned 2 it's like a switch flipped and now he wants what he wants And he wants it NOW and he wants weird stuff (like to carry around a slice of bread- not half DAMNIT but the WHOLE THING!- and not to eat- ew!) And I am struggling with how much I should give in and how much I need to draw the line. Mostly so far I've been case by case basis, considering what we have going on (time schedules and stuff) and how much damage he may potentially do.

And then there are priceless moments like today, I made him a smoothie and we were sitting together while he ate it with a spoon. Then started flinging it on the table- a little art on the side- so I got him a straw and he started to slurp it down, Then he burped and I said, "You should say Excuse me!" and covered my mouth to indicate that's what he should do when he burps. He thought this was hilarious and made me do it over and over again. All the while, he's freezing because he refused to put any clothes on (it took me 1/2 hour to get him to agree to put on some training underwear). He kept shrugging his shoulders up to his ears and going "brrrrr" in a high pitched voice while clenching his fists at his side making the universal sign for cold. Then laughing and laughing his head off at the "excuse me" joke. Whatever. It was funny. One of those regular moments that makes the rest of the madness worthwhile. And yes, that is a picture of Miles running around the back yard with a bucket on his head.

Miles' first trip to Disneyland

1/19/08: We took Miles to Disneyland on his 2nd birthday. We all had a blast. He loved all the rollercoaster- type rides he could get on (not quiet 35 inches) but we snuck him on one and he loved it. He didn’t enjoy the theme rides as much- calling them scary- too many witches and evil characters for his blood. Those old Disney movies are dark!

We spent the next night in Laguna beach, just for fun. We spent the day lounging by the pool and exploring low tide at the beach. Miles loved being on the beach and it was surprisingly easy to keep him out of the water, maybe because it was freezing? We saw dolphins playing in the waves and a ton of sea creatures hiding in the pockets of water left by the tide.

Our hotel was walking distance from a bunch of great galleries, a wonderful café and pizza place. What else could we ask for. I think Miles had a great 2nd birthday.

Toddler Talk, and Favorites

1/9/08: We officially have to watch what we say. Miles is repeating the last word we utter no matter what that might be. Only he tends to add a “D” in front of words or say them back words. Like “Bee” is “Dee” Only with buzzing sound effects and hand motions so we know he’s talking about a bee. And “spoon” is something like “pooosh” but he points to the drawer or to my spoon so I know what he wants. His favorite sentence is “doggy poo poo” I’m not sure if the poo poo he is referring to is a noun or a verb- but I always check to see if Andy had an accident…usually he has not- so not sure what all the poo talk is about.

Miles is super sweet and affectionate and loves to give big, wet, puckered kisses. He greets the people he knows and loves with big hugs -to their legs, usually. His favorite things are balls, bubbles, balloons, and cars. He starting to play pretend, baking and cooking mostly. He makes the most delish’ pretend cookies, which fit right into my new years diet! Perfect for any diabetic too! We should market them. Hmmm….

His favorite things to do are explore, hike, try to jump (his feet don’t leave the ground yet), clap hands, high five, dance, paint and draw, and play with anything even remotely resembling a ball (bells, rocks, apples, whatever)- oh, how could I forget, he loves to nurse.

He is the most amazing little boy and he will be two years old a week from today. I can’t believe it. What an incredible journey. What a lucky mom I am to have him in my life.

New painting of Miles

I just finished my latest painting, and yes, of course, it's of Miles. This is from that picture I took when we went to see Santa. When Miles saw the painting for the first time he got excited and said "Choo Coo! Ho Ho Ho!" Smart boy and what a good memory too! I think he really likes it. What do you think?

Pacific Southwest Railway Museum

12/24/08: The other night we took Miles on the Pacific Southwest Railway Museum’s trip to “The North Pole”. It was a blast. First of all it was COLD, like in the 30’s, which added to the Christmas-y spirit. We packed a picnic and some wine and shared it before the trip on the picnic tables provided at the station. Then we piled on the train and waited for the High School elves to serve us our hot cocoa and cookies. We sang Christmas carols off key with the rest of the jolly carolers and anxiously awaited Santa’s arrival on the train. When Santa arrived he spent a little time with each child as he made his way to the front of the train where he waited for the end of the trip. After we made it back to the station we made our way back to the special train car where Santa waited for us and had a semi-private picture opportunity with him and Mrs. Claus. Miles was very excited to see Santa and would say Hoo hoo hoo! When he saw him. He wasn’t as excited about sitting in his lap, but the picture we got of him waiting his turn is priceless. I would recommend the trip to anyone with young children. We brought my Mom and even she had a great time.

We just finished decorating Christmas cookies and we are getting ready to visit with the family for Christmas Eve dinner as is tradition. Miles helped me with the cookies. He is so helpful and eager to try new things. Happy Christmas to you all!

Thanksgiving Thoughts.

11/26/08: Getting ready for Thanksgiving. Reviewing recipes, grocery shopping, cleaning house and crocheting like a fiend. I’ve been trying to get Christmas presents together. Yes, the home made, oh so crafty kind. I’m trying not to spend more money on yarn than I would on actual gifts. Christmas is going to be big on spirit and light on funds this year. We are so lucky though. Blessed really. And I am so thankful for that. I listen to NPR a lot, too much probably, and as I’m trying to make room for leftovers in a packed fridge I hear about little old people and children standing in line for hours to get a free sack of potatoes and some onions. And this is somewhere in my neck of the woods. It makes me pause and realize that although we may have some unexpected bills and things are tight, that we are soooo very lucky that we have each other. We have heat, food, a warm place to sleep. I get to stay home with my amazing little man and practice words and signs with him everyday (today we learned dragonfly- thank goodness for the internet and http://www.aslpro.com/) Anyway, I guess I’m blubbering and going on. But I am so thankful this Thanksgiving. Now I need to go look up that recipe I heard on NPR for putting vodka in your pie crust. That’s my kind of Pie! Happy Thanksgiving.

Visiting a Horse.

I took Miles to meet my friend Wendy's horse, Concerto today. Miles loved him. Wanted to feed him treats and follow him around. He wasn't afraid of him at all. Not sure if that's good or bad sometimes! I'll be doing a portrait of Concerto for my friend. I'm looking forward to it. He's such a sweet, gentle horse. I'm having some trouble uploading a picture, so I'll try later.

Haircuts, Halloween, and Mission Trails Hike

11/1/08: I can’t believe it’s already November! But don’t I say that ever month? A couple of days ago Miles got his first professional haircut so he finally looks a little less wild. I’m a little sad about it, but his hair really was getting unruly. He did great. Sat on Daddy’s lap and watched me get my hair cut at the same time. They gave him a lollypop so I think that’s the trick to getting him to hold still.

Yesterday was Halloween and Miles went trick or treating for the first time. He loved it. It took him a few houses to get the hang of it, but after a while he was running up to each door to show his pumpkin to our neighbors. He is still too little to say "trick or treat" so we said it for him. We just went up our block and back and that was enough. Halloween is a little bit of a reunion tradition for us with some of our old friends, so I made a big pot of stew and we had guests in and out all evening. It’s amazing that Miles slept through the noise.

This morning we went on a hike at Mission Trails. Miles is asserting his independence and strong will full force these days. It can be difficult to go to a store or run errands with him because he has his own ideas about what we should do and where we should go. So that’s why I took him hiking today. I wanted to let him lead the trail and show me every branch, rock and twig along the way. We ended up going about 2.5 miles, Miles was great for about the first half then he got tired and would pause for long periods, picking at nearby plants. Finally I would carry him a while and then he would want down, would walk then stop, the crouch and poke at the dirt looking for good rocks to show me. I carried him the last mile or so, up the detour that turned out to be very steep. I was worried about not getting enough exercise going so slow, as it turned out, I got my fair share. Whew!