Email Venting

3/16/09: Email to Erica:

Hi,

We are having one of those really tough mornings, where everything is a fit, whining for this and then not wanting it, crying for that, wanting to watch movies, not wanting to change his diaper that he's been in for 12 hours and reeks of urine. (Worse in cloth diapers I think) Kicking me and screaming when he doesn't get his way. I'm walking on egg shells trying to walk the line between gaining cooperation and not giving him what he wants when he acts that way. After him screaming, thrashing and kicking me when I was trying to change his diaper, ( I could barely get the zipper down on his pjs) I got one leg and the opposite arm out of his pjs, enough to get the diaper off. Then I gave up trying to get the pjs off and put him in his bed and walked out of the room. I went to go breathe in the kitchen and get a cup of decaf, when he shows up naked and says and signs "done." I say, "good!" Then he wants a bath- so since I was just trying to leave early to get Target in before the gym, I figure I can do that tomorrow or even better, tonight, without him. He can get his bath, and hopefully I can still make my pilates class.

I hope your morning is going smoothly...

Diapering a Spirited Toddler

I am working feverishly on improving things with Miles. I am reading "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Kurcinka and although a lot of it is geared toward the 3 and up crowd I an gaining some insight and it feels good to know it's not my fault and I'm not alone. I'm thinking of trying to find a spirited toddler group online or something for extra support. According to the test it seems I'm a spirited adult too. Not too surprising.

So slowly and by trial and error and with a LOT of PATIENCE I am making small baby steps of progress. It seems every once and a while I feel like I need to do this mainstream tactic or do that to make sure he's going to be a well adjusted and normal adult. Like do time-outs or whatever. And it goes against my instincts. So I need to find a better way and not worry about power over him. It works much more smoothly when I throw convention out the window and realize that from day one I've had a very special little spirited boy and he needs a different and more creative approach than what is the norm.

For example today when I went to change his diaper he started to scream and flip out. So I held him tight and whispered in his ear why we need to change his stinky. Then he let me lay him down but after unzipping his pjs he starts to flip out again and I put my hands up in a surrender position and told him I was going to take his feet out of his pjs but that he could put them back on if he wanted when we were done. Then I asked him if he wanted to unsnap his diaper. He let me do it for him. He starts to freak. Again. So I put my hands up again. He relaxes and tries to get his diaper off so I help him. Then comes the wipes and he freaks again. And I put my hands up. then I hand him a wipe and tell him I'm going to wipe here, and point to his leg. He lets me. Then here. If I didn't tell him each area that I was going to wipe, he's freak and start kicking me. So, that's a simple diaper change right now in the house of Kwasny. Ha!

I used to try to hold him down and go as fast as I could when he would start to flip- but now I'm doing the opposite and it's working WAY better. He's a very complicated little boy. I'm trying to give him words for how he's feeling without putting feelings on him. He's pretty good at expressing himself through action. His language is still pretty slow although he does repeat after me a lot now.

Anyway, these are some tricks I am trying and so far it's better. Not 100%. but a little better.

He is the most loving boy though, I had a little spot on my face burned off at the doctor and he keeps pointing to it saying "Ow" and giving me kisses. I love him more and more everyday.